People always ask me what is good PR? How do I implement good PR for my business? There are both short and long answers to these questions (depending on who is asking). However do we ever consider the opposite? What should we NOT be doing with PR? Today I am going to address that.
We all know how it feels to find out someone is talking about you behind your back right? Not a great feeling and even worse when they are spreading lies about you: about the way you run your business, your level of experience, or just go after your character. The wedding business is SO unbelievably catty sometimes I want to take a mini vacay from it. Most of the time we are told to just “brush your shoulders off” and let it roll off your back. I was talking last week to Rebecca Grinnals of Engaging Concepts about this same topic. Its supposed to be the right thing to do and you can do it BUT sometimes its too much and its hurtful. I’ve been hearing stories from clients, colleagues, and even new business inquiries who have been struggling with being attacked in passive aggressive ways on twitter, blog posts, in emails etc.
Some vendors in this business really have the nerve to think that either:
a) its completely appropriate for you to be verbally bashing your peers in this very very small business. We are all in this together. There is plenty of business out there for all of us and even when people blatantly copy us or try to take clients from us- its not a good reflection on them ( aka bad PR) Plus, believe me- you aren’t the only person that notices… there are plenty of us that notice what they are doing too.
b) that the person you are talking about isn’t going to find out? (umm…yeah right) What goes around comes around. All the negative talk circulates. Sometimes I get caught up in it too when I get fired up. Its human- we make mistakes BUT its not ok. Take the high road!
c) that you are benefiting and taking something from the person you are trying to break down when in reality ultimately it makes you look like the bad guy.
Sean Low said it perfectly to me yesterday ” People who feel the need to tear down other people are trying to take their power.” Simply put: “Dont let them take your power!” Be strong and carry on and don’t address the junk that they are blasting out there.
How does this relate to PR? allow me to explain:
When you have a reputation for talking bad about people, word gets out that you are not a very nice person and that reputation carries with you- and a bad reputation in the wedding industry is not an easy one to shake. You could be nice to our faces and turn around to say a few inappopriate things. Yup- we know who you are and again- its NOT ok. Another point to consider- when your brand is aligned with another industry brand, either via your tweets on twitter or business partnerships/ projects etc… you probably want to be sure that its one that doesn’t have the bad rap associated with it. Two people/companies collaborating to take down others, copy, take clients from others, and spread negativity are much worse for their PR efforts then just 1.
Many planners and photographers, bloggers and magazines are the target for smack talking. They come to me all the time- angry and hurt because don’t forget as small business owners we pour so much of our heart and soul into what we do that it becomes personal when someone tries to cut you down. We are entitled to our opinions but trashing someone’s brand or their character because you are insanely jealous is also not good PR. I hear it and i see it all the time with my business, however I choose to counter all of that garbage with Who I am and What My Brand is all about. I am here to help others. To guide their business along a journey they may not have ever had an opportunity to be on. I am about giving and gratitude. I always have the best intentions and I can’t help everyone but i try to be the best fiance, sister, daughter, boss, friend, colleague, human being I can possibly be. If you don’t know that about me yet- now you do.
Today I read a Re Tweet on Twitter from Mindy Weiss that was originally posted by Reverend Run that said: “If people have to talk about you to feel good about themselves.. (Let them!) Haters need help too!”
So fitting for today’s post. What a little pearl of wisdom- THANK YOU!
REMEMBER: let them talk their talk while you walk your walk- then lets really see what happens!
xo, Leila, WeddingPR
Really great post. I love that quote from Sean – its so true. People’s badmouthing is only a sign of insecurity in themselves. In an industry about weddings, we could all do better to spread the love around 🙂
Nicely said, few minutes earlier to your post I tweeted about lying. “Call me naive/gullible..Ok I get it people lie to get ahead, to get over but eventually get caught in it, really at what point do you stop”
Definitely a hurtful thing, i had to say to my friend before i tweeted you know until you are affected you become more aware. Sigh!!!! Well keep up the great PR love the closure you used from Mindy Weiss “If people have to talk about you to feel good about themselves.. (Let them!) Haters need help too!” Tomorrow will be a better day!!!!!!!!!
Well said!!! This business is so catty….”if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything”.
You forgot…Godmother in your list!
Leila, you rock. The wedding business is such a roller coaster ride of emotions and it can be difficult to temper one’s fears and insecurities. It is unfortunate that some business owners choose to soothe their fears by badmouthing others actions and accomplishments. I say keep your “eyes on the road” and BE NICE – you will get further that way in the end! Great post!
I would add that if you are a nice, genuine, helpful person, word gets around about that, too… hopefully! Plus, you’ll be able to sleep better at night knowing that all of the thngs you’ve accomplished were done with a giving spirit and a good heart. Ideally, we want to bring others up with us, not try to drag them down. When you’re trying to pul someone down, you’re twice as heavy than you were before… how can you soar?
Honestly, I was recently the victim of a stolen idea. Something I have been working on and poured a lot of my original ideas into. Not only was it stolen but it was done with the intention of stamping me out. It is hard and it really hurts when your ideas come from your heart. I admit, I talked about my feelings to a couple of people. But one thing I have learned through this journey is that although someone can steal your ideas, your concepts…they can’t steal what is inside your head and certainly not what is in your heart. Let your light shine through and continue to be who you were made to be!
I agree with all of you girls! we want to be kind to others like Lisa says but when they come after you like Tami mentions.. its horrible! Just heard from a colleague that she is going to be pursuing legal action on a case that relates to this too. There is a line between saying mean things and slandering someone.
Well tomorrow’s post will at least be a beautiful wedding ( on a lighter note!) yay!
I couldn’t agree with you more! I have a big-time hater in my market, and despite all of the horrible things he’s said about me, it’s been nothing but good for me and bad for him. Nobody wants to do business with someone like that.
Sometimes it does hurt, though – you’re right. You put so much of yourself in your business and it all becomes personal.
Thanks for a great post!
~Evan
so well said!
Leila, thanks for this blog post. You are so right. Internet has made people feel 10 feet tall in some cases. As a victim of a cyber stalker, I know the feeling. It was only until I confronted the person did it stop.
That is why I am very careful to only state what is true to the best of my first-hand knowledge. There has been some serious theft lately within the industry, some of which have been close friends of mine who I KNOW their ideas were stolen. As I was there at the inception of the concepts or business ideas. Very difficult to remain quiet about that. I have a passion and I passionately protect those that I love. People would want me in their corner, believe me.
Otherwise, it’s a big world out there….it’s great to have different viewpoints and ideas. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Saunda i just wanted to say I TOTALLY hear you and I myself have been there. I know the specific case you are referencing and I just want to say that you are a good friend for having someone’s back like that. ***Note to self, put Saundra in my corner too 🙂 Thank you for your feedback today.
you have never spoke words more true! in my opinion, this industry is one that i would hope that we all entered because we love to create happiness and love…not hate. it truly hurts when i hear that there are so many “frenemies” and “smack talkers” in our world. i like to surround myself with positivity: be positive and think positive…no bad ever comes from that!
I’ve always loved the saying: “Let your haters be your motivators!” For greatness, of course 🙂
Very great advice! We soooo strongly believe in the fact that “we are all in this together”. We consistently even post about our competition with links to them on our blog, there is enough business to go around and it is sooooo much more fun and productive to work together and pump each other up! We absolutely adore everyone we have met in this industry thus far, and look forward to getting together and working together regardless of the fact they would be considered competition! As far as copying is concerned, we continue to be flattered when we receive e-mails pointing out that our branding or work has been copied. I believe Liene said it well at blogging bootcamp, that Martha Stewart has built her brand by sharing ideas that others could easily emulate! We continue to switch our inspirations and ideas up on a daily basis anyways, so by being “copied” we are just even more motivated to push the envelope 🙂 Great post Leila!
i wish everyone in the industry could read this!
thank you so much for this post … we have been having alot of the same situations happen in my neck of the woods and it’s such a shame … this industry and planners specifically are about bringing people together and creating a seamless extention of the couple … forgetting the fact that this is THIER day, not my day or the photographers, or anyone’s but the BRIDE & GROOM – the reason we are here to begin with …
totally agree with jenn king and wish everyone could read this post …
Sorry I’m late to the party on this post, but it’s a timely topic for me today. Re: “talking bad…”
At what point do you take legal recourse? I have a situation that isn’t going away. Prominent venue. On-site coordinator bad mouths my business to the point that recently a potential client canceled our appointment after visiting this venue and meeting w/ the bad mouthing coordinator.
I can absolutely appreciate the wisdom of “Let your haters be your motivators!” But is their a point in which legal recourse is best recourse?
Thank you so much for blogging about what MANY of us wedding planners can’t!
The more success you achieve the more you’re left open for criticism, which is the way the world turns.
I told my staff when this happened to us once that envy breeds jealous, jealousy breeds insecurities and insecurities turn into bad mouthing.
Childish “adults” will not succeed, and in the end that is the best “revenge!” 🙂
Thanks for another great post: the perfect read for me today! Lots of wisdom in the comments as well and a great example how we can all learn from each other as opposed to tearing each other down.