PR Tips 101: Lack of Tact in the Wedding Industry

0 responses to “PR Tips 101: Lack of Tact in the Wedding Industry”

1. This is a really great post, and I am saddened that it needs to be written! We need to be reminded of this all the time. Other things that bother me are when people use letters to represent words that I’m sure they would never say in person, like “WTF” or “OMG.” If you wouldn’t say the words, then don’t write it!

2. I’m TOTALLY with you on this! I’m saddened by the state of our society in general with foul language used in every (other) sentence. I could go on. Thanks for being bold and sharing this and thanks for inspiring us all with your blog. 🙂

3. I agree with the use of terms like ass or bitch being used in any professional setting, however, the term “ebonics” is one that refers to the language of African-American people and there’s nothing BAD about any language. Let’s be clear on the difference between curse words and a language associated with someone’s race and heritage.

4. We totally agree! While I love Twitter (for example), I really dislike the fact that if I DM someone or post a Tweet my grammar is at stake as I am limited in characters and have to abbreviate things that shouldn’t be! That’s not really how I speak or like to communicate!

   In regards to the language, while I haven’t yet heard the term “porn” used in relationship to flowers, that’s pretty tacky! We are in an industry where people look to us to set taste, style, and examples. Belittling things by taking the easy way out or using distasteful words in reference to things that should be lovely and pretty doesn’t say much about the industry!
   Great post!

5. I agree totally. It just isn’t necessary or appropriate. It’s not even cool. I agree with Deb- the abbreviations are just the same. I’m especially turned off by some of the sexual puns that are used to describe wedding related things or work. Thanks for keeping it real.

6. There is a time and a place for it – I agree with you on that.

   Unfortunately, it’s the internet, Britney Spears and pop culture that we have to blame.

   I don’t bring it into my wedding business, but I have to say, my very biggest “hit” last year was my letterpress Happy New Year card which did indeed have a cuss word in it. (It simply read: 2009 Sucked A$$.) I sold out faster than I could have imagined. Our society eats it up.
   -abcd

7. Totally agree. It amazes me the language people use these days period, and in their professional lives? Come on! I’m completely turned off by foul language so you can bet if I was a bride wanting to hire some of these people I’d think twice.

8. Thanks so much for you honesty and professionalism. I’m not trying to take sides as I don’t like a lot of what is going on linguistically with wedding blogs, tweets, updates, so forth, but I think the rationale is to target the “real” bride and groom, and I guess that means communicating in a “realistic” way. I myself hate cursing but I also dislike the overuse of many a wedding blog words/phrases like “swoon”, “I heart” ,”over the moon” ,blah, blah, blah… I must admit, I DO overuse “Glorious”. Who am I? Katherine Hepburn?

9. I agree wholeheartedly! It pains me to refer my clients to vendors (who are otherwise lovely) if their blog posts, twitter, facebook, etc. are filled with unprofessional language. It’s one thing to let your “voice” and personality shine through, and it’s something else entirely to offend people with your word choices.

10. I’m with you! Way to take a stand.
    Staying classy -Jeremy

11. This type of language was never acceptable and should never be accepted within our industry, or any other for that matter. I respect you for being bold and writing nothing but the truth. It’s obvious that the usage of these words are of individulas of lower class!

    Ralph Mucci
    Executive Producer
    The Wedding Planning Audiocast

12. OOoh, most definitely tacky! Agree 100%. PS. I totally got my mouth washed out with soap growing up!

13. @IGuess thank you for the comment on ebonics. Speech as it stands is an expression and should be treated as such. Please be more mindful when referring to a cultural aspect to state or reference it more factually. I may not have the same grounds as the wedding professionals because i am not one but I dont mind. If a service is being marketed to a person there demographic is targeted. It may not be in good form according to you all to engage a potential customer in a more casual fashion but if the customer responds positively then who has the problem. If it is ur intent to associate your businesses in a more refined and elegant manner than so be it. But the wedding industry is soley customer driven and if the market responds well to these things whether it be a fade or otherwise it is still positively effect the industry. I thank you for bringing this topic to light and respectfully disagree. I could go on forever but hopefully u all get my point. Btw i am n educated college graduate dat speaks ebonics on pirpose THANKS!

14. Well, I think it depends on the brand. Obviously, because look at my name. And honestly, it is my colorful language that has been essential in the growth/popularity of my blog, business and brand. I think if words are used with respect, or the appropriate sense of humor attached, that there are new rules to the game. However, I’m not a wedding planner or florist or other such vendor. Colorful language works for my personal brand, but that’s not to say its appropriate for everyone. I also think very carefully before I use any possibly-offensive terms to be sure I mean what I say.

    I do however, question the referring to bad language or curse words as Ebonics, a term that deals with language derived from African American vernacular. Bad language is not a race issue. It’s a human issue.

15. @Ralph Mucci – Let’s try to watch the general statements here. I’m personally not offended, but many would be by your statement. I was raised in a middle-class suburb, and hold both BA and MFA degrees… hardly what anyone would qualify as low-class. 🙂

16. I guess it just depends on what you find offensive or humorous. Regarding the word “porn” — it’s just a joke. I’m on the bride side of things, so I haven’t actually heard it used in the wedding industry, but I think it’s funny when one of my foodie friends sends me a beautiful food photo and the subject line says, “Food Porn.” It’s funny! It’s a metaphor. You have to have a sense of humor. And to me, it’s more than just bad words that can cause people’s hair to stand on end. your belittling of Ebonics, for example, could be seen as more offensive than any “bad” word as evidenced by comments here and my reaction when I read that part of your post.

    There should be a standard of sensitivity and class, for sure, but let’s not lose our sense of humor over it.

17. I agree that we have to be aware that what we say reflects on us, and I also agree that foul language is way out of place with most wedding brands. But I’m also in agreement with the replies that question equating “ebonics” with swearing. That’s a culturally sensitive issue, and potentially really offensive. Does your speech pattern and word choice give people an impression of who you are? Yes.

    But to some people, that’s branding and that’s between them and their target audience.

    And as for class…I think there is a whole lot more to class than ones pattern of speech.

18. So it’s totally fine to call other vendors “tacky” (See: Gray Photography, Aleah & Nick) but if other vendors turn around and use *GASP* a cuss word then THEY are the unprofessional ones? I don’t know…I just say lead by example and if others follow, great. If not, then let them live their lives and run their businesses how they see fit. Full disclosure: I found this post from a Tweet by Broke-Ass Bride and this is my first time on your site.

19. Thank you Thank you Thank you Lei for being BOLD and speaking out! Before working in this amazing Wedding World I worked in a very corporate environment in which such foul and offensive language WOULD NEVER be accepted. Bottom line its not appropriate and unprofessional.

    For other people commenting:

    To insinuate that Leila is racist by refering to Ebonics as curse words or bad language is rude, taking what she said out of context, and missing the point. Coming from a family of mixed ethnic background Leila and I are well versed in racism and respect all peoples from different walks of the universe.
    While Ebonics is derived from African American Vernacular, I personally find it offensive when people that are NOT African American utilize such language to self promote and generate sensationalism!

    That being said BRAVO Lei! Thanks for standing up and saying what many of us have been thinking all along! I think i’m going to start a twitter hashtag #dirtymouth

20. hi all! lets just clarify here.. i am not referring to ebonics being a cuss word or foul language!

21. Ralph, I could not agree with you more about this.

    Being an avid blog reader/internet/meme guru, sometimes I feel that because the internet provides people the ability to quickly erect blogs and websites, doesn’t meant they should! It takes a lot to create a viable business on the net and people should understand the basic/general concepts and understandings of business practices… The use of some of these terms are very unprofessional and have no place in the professional work place.

    In terms of the use of Ebonics, the argument of the use is a fine line. If you say anything negative about it you are deemed racist but if you condone it, you are promoting an unprofessional way of conversation in the business world. I am not saying to NOT use Ebonics but the use of it in a professional environment is questionable at best.

22. Kellee, the purpose of my comment was not at all to insinuate that Leila was racist. It was merely questioning the use of a word in what I consider an inappropriate context (just as she is doing with words like porn and ass). I don’t question her respect toward diversity in the slightest bit.

    That being said, I’m not sure I understand what you mean by “such language” being used by non-African Americans… if using curse words as a Caucasian is different from other races/cultures, then color me surprised.

    My point was never supposed to be about race anyway. This is about language, right?

23. Thank you for this post. I think this is a pervasive issue not just in the wedding industry but in all sectors of written communication.

    As for Ebonics being the “language of African-Americans”, I am pretty sure that English is the language of African-Americans. Ebonics may be the slang that some people use (white and black), but it is no more the language of African-Americans than poor grammar used by various subgroups of Caucasians is the language of white people.

    The point of the post is that many communicators on the web feel the need to “spice up” their writing with a certain level of coarseness that would never fly in standard business transactions and communications. The author’s point that unnecessary vulgarity is a cheap way to gain attention and an inappropriate way to represent one’s business is something to think about.

24. I’m with Dana, that it does depend on the brand… her readers clearly love her broke-ass brand DESPITE using the word “ass” in the header. She has all kinds of readers, even conservative ones. They still follow her. ‘Cause she’s awesome. And down to earth. And makes this whole stressful, daunting task of planning a wedding enjoyable, carefree, and above all FUN. Frankly, I hated planning my wedding until I found The Broke-Ass Bride. And I’d STILL read her blog even if I was offended by the word ass* I’m more into this kind of approach, than the stuffed shirt conservative, follow the rules or perish in wedding etiquette hell, kind of approach – and if that means I have to hear a few swear words, or “ebonics” as you put it, then SO WHAT! The wedding industry is evolving. Not every couple needs to hire vendors that run a “clean language” business just because they think that’s the way every single bride wants it to be. The offbeat wedding crowd is coming out of the woodwork in droves and probably couldn’t care less about the use of profanity from the various wedding resources available to them. Personally, I’m more offended by the content of this post than by any curse word my wedding vendors could use – whether it be describing their brand, or if it’s part of their writing style. I’m interested in INSPIRATION and IDEAS. Not language. Face it. The wedding industry is FINALLY allowed to show some balls-out creativity. So I say stop trying to censor it.

    And can we please stop saying the word, “classy”? Its “holier than thou” implications make me cringe.

    *really? are people reeeeaaallly still offended by this word?

25. Dana you know I like you and I’m glad you took no offense. Your branding is great and does work for you However having a degrees does not apply here. Perhaps I should have explained myself a little better. Anyone using offensive language is bringing themselves down to a lower class of what they are. Can you imagine if we produced a show filled with offensive languge and having a guest such as Colin Cowie on that show, or anyone else for that matter? We wouldn’t be around very long would we?

    I stand on my comment because that’s what I believe, and someone will always be offended! 🙂

26. Hey Em – not calling any VENDORS “tacky” – calling flowers “porn” is a little out there, so we get to say something. Please note that that’s the only term we said something on. I know for darned sure none of our clients want anything related to their wedding as PORN.

    On the other hand, we take an incredibly laid-back approach to how we market ourselves and plan our events and aren’t prim and proper planners. We’re real people – a husband and wife and refer our clients to REAL people. Love the Broke-Ass Bride and other who are real. Please re-read our statement – it’s accurate and a reflection of our thoughts on one term — porn.

    I think people get so heated over internet forums. It’s incredibly important, especially having been in this industry as long as we have – to think about what you are typing and responding to before you hit “submit.”

27. I just want to say, for once and for all, that my official opinion is that we all should be able to say what we want without judgment, as long as we’re respectful of one another.

    Its up to each of us to decide what is or isn’t appropriate for our personal brand/marketing/personal preference. No one is right or wrong here. Its just a matter of taste 🙂 Like pizza.

28. I personally think it’s a matter of your brand as to how you should speak/write. I may drop a damn and hell in my blog here and there because I’m trying to make a heavy point. I’ve also found when I’m more myself, I attract the clients who are a bit more edgy and funky with slightly inappropriate senses of humor. And we have a ball together! Don’t get me wrong, I do love my proper brides, but I’m a bit more comfortable around my not-so-proper brides.

    And I find the term “wedding porn” hilarious!

29. Thanks Leila for being brave enough to jump into this topic. I am happy to see the dialogue happening regardless of your stance. Thanks Erica for enlightening me about Ebonics, I realized I need to learn more about the subject. And to Dana, although I would feel strange about saying ass or damn on my personal blog, I do so enjoy any and all correspondence we have had and feel it totally represents your brand which is good since you are your brand!

30. Well said. Thank you.

31. I’ve never been one to say that I will *never* utter a cuss word – as I do not believe in limiting my wide usage of the English language. Slang terms, sarcastic phrases and even, yes, cuss words have their place in my personal language using my good judgment. I say “my personal language,” because I do believe that this is a very personal decision in regards to business branding. There is no Cussing Police that reprimands businesses in most industries (FCC aside) and while you may hold yourself to what you have determined is a “higher standard” – you do not have the right to reprimand other businesses just as much as you wouldn’t tell a client who cussed in front of you that they are lower class. Of course, this is a blog and totally your opinion – and I support that. I appreciate that you respect your clientele by not using words that may or may not offend them.

    However, I do agree that the word Ebonics might be best replaced with a more appropriate term like “slang,” “textese” or “SMS language” in order to not offend other readers. As by definition, it is used in reference to African American Vernacular English and any other interpretation would be a slang usage.

32. Didn’t Anne Landers write this blog post in 1950?

33. Let me preface this by saying that I don’t mean to be rude. Clearly, a lot of people have heated emotions regarding language, as evinced by the conversation above. However, I would like to respectfully add a few things:

    First, I’m with Broke-Ass Bride and Bowie Bride on the race and class implications of this post. These are things that are deeply rooted in our speech, often subconsciously, and I urge us all to think through the things we say and write. Ebonics isn’t a phrase to be thrown around lightly, nor is “low class.” Weddings shouldn’t be about displays of wealth, but about celebrations of love. Class is not the point.

    Second, I believe that the language we choose is about freedom of expression. Not all of us are in this for branding, but rather to express our frustration with some parts of wedding planning. The fact that we have feelings that cause us to write curse words in our blogs has made us appear “Offbeat” and “Indie” to lots of people in the wedding industry, but I think I know another word for it: honest.

    Third, I’m sorry to point out the hypocrisy at work in this line of thinking. The blog is meant to be a more casual, more personal, and less regulated place than a wedding magazine or business brochure. That’s why we all treat it so casually: some of us by using words we might not use in a glossy and tangible print product, and others by using less edited speech. I say ass, you say “cant.” Potato potato. It’s all about format and free speech.

    Fourth, when I refer to “porn,” I don’t mean something icky and demeaning. I mean something that gives me immense pleasure but is surreal and unattainable. Like a wedding magazine that tells me I need a beautiful, multi-thousand dollar, delicious cake. I can’t have one. But I can look at the pictures and wish for one.

    And about flowers, I think anyone who’s looked at a Georgia O’Keeffe painting will agree that there is a pleasantly sexual element at work in flowers. And I’m perfectly comfortable with that.

34. Hahahaha… oh thank you for making my afternoon that much brighter. I needed a good laugh. Some of you really need to take it down a notch, breathe, re-read what was so well written in this blog- and stop searching for an excuse to act “down for the cause”.

    I myself am a black woman. I graduated with two degree’s from USC, and now manage production at one of the world’s largest internet sites. I’m a professional, I’m educated… and the author’s use of ‘Ebonics’ didn’t offend me. Why? Primarily because I read it in the context of the post. I suggest some of you do the same.

    I’m all about expression, innovation, pushing the envelope and creativity… but is it ever appropriate to use profanity when promoting your business? Wait, let me pose a different question. Would you walk into a job interview in fishnet stockings, holding a brew, and smoking a cigarette? Oh you would!?? Ahhh, okay I see your point. FAIL. Oh, and you didn’t get the job by the way.

    Personally, I’d choose to put my best foot forward. I’d throw on my business suit- not because it’s what I would choose to wear on a daily basis- but because I want to be the best representation of myself. That’s the point of this blog post. This isn’t a discussion about race, this isn’t some judgmental attack on those who’s vocabulary contains a selection of cuss words. It’s a discussion about which words to use when promoting your business; and the author of this post is 100% accurate. If you want respect- present yourself correctly. If you want to be looked down upon- keep on talking like you are.

    As for ‘class’- I agree that showing class doesn’t need to be a grandiose display of wealth.. class can be achieved without wealth, as we all know is true in reverse.

    Let’s actually discuss what was written here please and get off this racial tirade tangent that *some* of you are trying to take this on.

    Thank you.

35. @ashanti
    I myself am a white man. I graduated with two degrees from ASU. I understand the need to speak out against racism because I have seen it behind closed doors, without “dog-whistles” or code words to mask it. Even unintentional, ambiguous racism like confusing a nonstandard english dialect with “uneducated” people is important to confront in a public forum because it informs perceptions that go unconfronted in too many private settings.

    Here’s a question. Were you raised having African American English as your primary dialect? If so, do you like it being described as “ebonics” and conflated with “uneducated” speech?

36. I don’t think I could put it any better than Mouse did, but I am firmly on the side of it completely depends on what works for you. I am very against censorship and being a professional coordinator (office, not wedding), I find that a light, airy relationship with a vendor and with colleagues is much preferred to a formal one in which I gasp at the word “ass” or “porn.” To each their own, of course, but I see nothing wrong with “wedding porn” and “The Broke-Ass Bride.”

    And in terms of the “ebonics” that I believe the poster is referring to, I do actually say “OMG” and “BTW,” etc., so I feel completely fine typing it.

37. I didn’t even realize this was an issue!! People actually use the words “porn” and “ass” in their blogs and other marketing materials?? What kind of a client does this attract?? I guess I prefer to keep it classy and clean because those are the vendors and clients I want to attract to my business.. that’s the reputation I stride for!!

    Keep up the good work Leila 🙂 I couldn’t have said it better myself!

38. So if I use Ebonics in my tweets, I’m not educated or lady-like?

    Signed,
    Dr. Katasha Butler

39. More to the point, I think the next blog post we’ll see is about how vendors need to “get real” and “be authentic.” To each their own. If you see someone using OMG, BTW, FML or whatever on Twitter, does that mean that they’re using it in their marketing collateral? Who is the designated police of what people can or cannot use as far as language is concerned if they are in the wedding industry? How did you get that position–I want to do it, too!

    People need to do what works for them. Be your real self, all day, every day. That is the clientele you will attract and I’m pretty sure that they will be the best clientele for you to work with. I’m not much of a “cuss-er” in real life, so that doesn’t extend to my daily speech, tweets, blog posts or whatever. But I will say damn. OMG and an occasional GTFOH! That doesn’t make me low-class, uneducated or unable to conduct business.

    Like–really–you’ve never seen a wedding dress that you’ve “lusted” after??

40. Hi There Mike,

    Again, I beg the question- why are words and statements being taken out of context? Where in my comment did you deduce that I dont think it’s important to confront racism?

    It goes without saying that I’ve experienced it. In fact on a daily basis I encounter it, and I applaud people (such as yourself) that will speak out against ignorance and bigotry. It’s people like you who hear what goes on behind closed doors and have the confidence and morality to say “stop” that give me faith in this country’s progress.

    HOWEVER- my point is that the blog post in question does not warrant a discussion of race. In today’s society, its my opinion that the race controversy is sensationalized to the point where things are oftentimes taken out of context, simply to make a point and to scream “racist!”.

    I don’t want to attack you, and what i’m about to do is not what I believe… but I’m doing it to illustrate my point.

    In the same way that you’re pointing the finger at the author, I could point the finger at you for asking me if i was raised having “African American English as my primary dialect”. I already stated that I was an African American. Therefore how can I speak with anything other than an African American tongue? I’m also fluent in English and French. Does that mean I’m not African American? Surely you’re not insinuating that to speak in African American tongue you must use certain expressions?! Hmmm perhaps that’s at the root of the problem.

    I can already tell by the context of which you posed that question that you’re not a racist- but if i took that out of context of this discussion I could point the finger at you! So I ask you to read the blogger’s statement in context of the article. Just in the same vein that you had no mal-intent, neither did the blogger.

    This is a blog post about the language choices made by some business owners. Period.

41. Hi There Mike,

    Again, I beg the question- why are words and statements being taken out of context? Where in my comment did you deduce that I dont think it’s important to confront racism?

    It goes without saying that I’ve experienced it. In fact on a daily basis I encounter it, and I applaud people (such as yourself) that will speak out against ignorance and bigotry. It’s people like you who hear what goes on behind closed doors and have the confidence and morality to say “stop” that give me faith in this country’s progress.

    HOWEVER- my point is that the blog post in question does not warrant a discussion of race. In today’s society, its my opinion that the race controversy is sensationalized to the point where things are oftentimes taken out of context, simply to make a point and to scream “racist!”.

    I don’t want to attack you, and what I’m about to do is not what I believe… but I’m doing it to illustrate my point.

    In the same way that you’re pointing the finger at the author, I could point the finger at you for asking me if i was raised having “African American English as my primary dialect”. I already stated that I was an African American. Therefore how can I speak with anything other than an African American tongue? I’m also fluent in German and French. Does that mean I’m not African American? Surely you’re not insinuating that to speak in African American tongue you must use certain expressions?! Hmmm perhaps that’s at the root of the problem.

    I can already tell by the context of which you posed that question that you’re not a racist- but if i took that out of context of this discussion I could point the finger at you! So I ask you to read the blogger’s statement in context of the article. Just in the same vein that you had no mal-intent, neither did the blogger.

    This is a blog post about the language choices made by some business owners. Period.

42. sigh.. i think the point was totally missed. she wasn’t saying anything about specific words like OMG or damn. why do people keep putting their personal issues onto this? Im sure she uses OMG sometimes. WHO CARES? from her perspective she’s seeing vendors say things that diminish what they do in the business and that to her point dont seem appropriate. if its very much apart of your own brand then weigh that out. we can all agree to disagree on this but its obvious those haters are in full force because they got called out- not specifically- but she made a point that so many people think but never say. you are all taking it way too personal!

43. As a child of immigrants, my parents stressed the importance of making a good impression. As they had faced certain hardships with people “assuming” certain things, they were able to earn respect and shatter preconceived notions by practicing good manners and conveying themselves in a positive, tactful light. Whether it be a simple “please” and “thank you” or taking a higher road when someone is trying to put you down, these social “fundamentals” have proved to be admirable characteristics.

    I have grown to see that when you make a conscious effort to carry yourself with class, dignity, and an open mind, you open the door for good things happen. These are fundamentals that are usually taught to children at an early age, and if you take a step back and look at it from a high level point of view, these are elements that are building blocks to “branding” yourself and the cornerstones for businesses focused on serving others.

    Isn’t it funny how the “annoying” things your parents taught you at an early age, like manners and class, come full circle into everything you do as you grow older?

44. I am with you!

45. @Ashanti. Are you real, or are you just someone else in sheep’s clothing? Anyway, in response to this:

    “I’m all about expression, innovation, pushing the envelope and creativity… but is it ever appropriate to use profanity when promoting your business? Wait, let me pose a different question. Would you walk into a job interview in fishnet stockings, holding a brew, and smoking a cigarette? Oh you would!?? Ahhh, okay I see your point. FAIL. Oh, and you didn’t get the job by the way.”

    I understand that you have to “degree’s”, but your logic here is actually a FAIL.

    A person who builds and runs businesses wouldn’t be walking into a job interview PERIOD. When you ask business owners about going to a job interview, you’re already way off track. But let’s just say it’s a meeting and not an interview, and go back to your original point about the fishnets and the brew. If I’d built a following of loyal customers based on how cool it is that I wear fishnets and drink beer all day, then I’d certainly go to a business meeting like that. If I’d built my business using occasional witty profanity, then I might use occasional witty profanity in said meeting. And I’d close the deal. Because while some of you seem to have endless time to spend worrying about who’s acting “professional”, you overlook that fact that professionalism is a set of behaviors with a purpose. The behaviors are intended to create functional working environments and relationships in order to increase productivity and profit. If someone can achieve success in their business (i.e.; bottom line profit) without abiding by an imaginary behavioral code of conduct, then they’ve already averted that FAIL.

    And speaking of FAILS and bottom lines…This is a little-read blog written by someone whose career is about generating publicity. She chose to write an inflammatory post that was intended to lure far more popular bloggers to her pages, letting her temporarily piggyback on their audience’s attention. But in the end, these bloggers will go back to what they do best — creating. And she’ll be left here, criticizing.

    Kinda sad.

46. LOL! Love your response Tara and can appreciate that you unlike others actually took the time to comment within context of my response to the post as oppose to ranting about some nonsensical ignorance.

    Alas, you have slightly missed the point. My logic is not fail- it’s actually perfectly rational, and I’m baffled by your inability to follow an argument through its entirety. For one, I’m not sure if you read the comments from top to bottom, but my disdain stemmed from the responses to this blog, the accusations of bigotry and racism. My response was to highlight why I felt this was, for lack of better expression “over the top”. Secondly- the two questions I posed- Would you use profanity to represent your business & would you dress inappropriately for an interview- are one in the same, in so much that both deal with putting your best foot forward in the wedding industry. Which is, lest I be puzzled, is the focal point of the blog post, correct?

    Sure, if you’re in an industry where fishnets, brews and cigs are what’s “cool” as you put it, then more power to you. However, I’m assuming that you’re speaking about a variety of “professionals”- certainly not solely about the wedding industry – which again, is the point of this blog.

    If you want to rap about corporate America, then let’s rap. If you want to debate the definition of professionalism, then lets debate. If you want to philosophize over what constitutes success, let’s philosophize and you know what, I’m sure we’d find many things we’d agree on. But let’s do it under a blog post entitled “The Definition of Professionalism” or “What is Success?” not under one titled “Lack of Tack in the Wedding Industry”. S’all I’m saying. Let’s stick to the context please, don’t go off of ridiculous tangents.

    Oh and lastly I have “two” degree’s- that was said to in response to the dummy who insinuated that to be African American you can’t be educated- not in reference to the post or some wacky attempt to display superiority. So sit down on that!

47. @ Tara- if you think fishnets and beer is a good way to conduct business then it’s perfectly clear which industry you’re in. Funny that you’re prowling wedding blogs- I’d think you’d find your clientele elsewhere. and to your point that this is some pathetic blog- you sure seem to spend time on it yourself!

48. I am an African lady who uses ebonics on a regular basis but only with my friends and family. I have a good job(self employed) and would never speak use ebonics in my professional life just as I would never bring my personal life or crazy personality into it. This is about business and I cannot stand it when people don’t take the time to actually speak to me using proper english, in fact I find it disrespectful. I have taken the time to learn and master the english language so I could speak it to you I expect you to do the same. In every language there is slang and people are expected to leave it behind and speak properly. even English has it’s own dialects and slang but when it comes down it there is one universal english we all need to speak, so to say, and I for one am not offended by this post. Look at all the rappers who will talk about drugs, guns, violence, women in derogatory terms yet when it’s time for business they are speaking the queen’s english and wearing suits. People find racism in the littlest things that don’t matter and ignore the larger racist issues around them anyway, it’s SO irritating. And if any of you here have never cringed when Flava Flav has opened his mouth then more power to you. I loved this post Leila and I agree with you.

49. Leila, first of all, let me tell I love your courage to write this post.

    Secondly, I don’t write anything I wouldn’t say in person. Including many of the words such as; hell, damn, OMG, STFU. But that’s just me and I’m okay with that. Be true to yourself and others will appreciate it. If I spoke like someone else then I wouldn’t be myself. Take it or leave it.

    Of course sometimes it is good to use restraint. Now where the hell is my filter? I lost it somewhere….

50. Branding and all of the other arguments presented in the post and the comments aside, certain words trigger a search engine’s filters. While you may be okay using certain language on a blog or website, the search engines crawl for those words and index them as adult-material or for mature audiences, resulting in that site being blocked from many workplaces, including school districts (teachers), hospitals (doctors) and most large corporations. Most people in the wedding industry have clients who work for a company with Internet filters and over 80% of brides do their wedding research at work (either on the clock or on their lunch hour). So regardless of whether language is right or wrong or good or not for branding, using certain language online can block your site from being accessed by your target market, resulting in lost sales.

51. Thanks for sharing your post, Leila. I don’t necessarily agree or disagree, but I guess it seems silly to judge or berate you for stating your opinion and ultimately explaining what your brand believes in. This is the point of your personal blog and what we are all trying to do in our own way and on our own blogs, tweets, etc. It’s not right for everyone, but just like those who use “ass”, “porn”, etc., you continue to attract the people you want by the way you speak. Your clients relate to you just like the professionals you are speaking of have clients that love exactly what they do and how they do it. I’m personally a little more conservative yet still casual with the way I represent my company but that’s what’s real for me and in a way what makes me unique to the industry. I am actually so glad others choose to be who they are, whether it be you, Broke Ass Bride or Liene. Each of us bring a different perspective to the industry and it’s one our own particular clients relate to for whatever reason. Truth be told, yours, Dana’s or Liene’s clients wouldn’t want to work with me and I probably wouldn’t want to work with them either. It all ends up working out in the end :). I might have not read deep enough but what I took from your post was more about practices that you ultimately believe are reducing the overall standards of the wedding industry. Again, I don’t necessarily agree or disagree with the specific topic you are addressing, but I would definitely love it if all of our peers thought about how they are affecting the industry as a whole when they make decisions about how to position themselves within the industry. It’s the same way I feel every time a new bride prints up business cards and calls herself a planner without any training. It reflects poorly on the industry and makes all wedding planners look uneducated, ill-prepared and so on…but, I digress…the point is, I hope everyone keeps doing what they do and in the end helps to grow and expand this industry that I not only love, but that also allows me to be exactly who I am.

52. I appreciate this post, Leila.

    Anyone who knows me, knows that I do swear. I even, on occasion swear in front of my children. I also let them know that I worked very hard on my college education and I probably could have used a better word.

    I did not see that Leila was specifically attacking any individual brand or brands. I read it as collectively, the wedding industry, is taking the “be yourself” advice literally and we are trending to “let it all hang out” and that, overall, if we are careless when choosing words, is not a good thing.

    With that, I do think for certain brands like the “broke-ass bride” it works. I follow her, I appreciate her brand and what she is doing. Dana uses and chooses her words wisely. It works. But because it works for Dana and her brand “Broke-Ass Bride” it does give everyone else license to use the word “ass” and “yo” with reckless abandon. I am seeing more blogs and more tweets with slang and more cursing. If we continue to accept it widely and are not thoughtful about the words we choose it will dumb down our industry as a whole.

    For me, as a florist, the term, “flower porn” makes my heart ache from the inside-out. I see it floral design as art. Porn is not art, it is not love, it is a medium that reduces individuals to mere objects. Porn is one dimensional, simple and careless. Floral design within the wedding industry is thoughtful, it is about individuals, it is love, and it is multi-dimensional medium. When I create bouquets and boutonnieres, I think about love and how beautiful LIFE is. It pains me to the core to see the word porn paired up with something so lovely as flowers.

    While I greatly appreciate free speech, I do believe that that we have a responsibility within the industry which we say we belong. Act with integrity. Be yourself, but be respectful of those around you. In college I worked in several restaurants and learned very quickly in every restaurant there is a private (kitchen and prep areas) “back of the house” area and a public (dining) “the front of the house”. In the back of the house employees would let it all hang out, we were able to let our guard down. Raunchy music played, melt-downs occurred, fights broke out, we all cursed and even drank. I heard stories and saw behavior that would make a drunken sailor blush. The back of the house was a veritable free for all. The “front of the house” was open to customers and patrons and we all knew to watch our mouth, our behavior and act with respect and dignity. We all knew to act with integrity in the ‘front of the house’. Our jobs, the restaurant, and even the restaurant industry depended on it.

    Collectively, we need to realize social media is the “the front of the house”. We need to recognize that when we say we are a part of the wedding industry we should know to act responsibly with respect and dignity. Be yourself, but save that “bad-a**” self of yours for private situations and within a set context.

53. The best quality you can have in life and business is a teachable spirit. If you are stubborn and never think there is room for change, you just won’t grow to be anything beyond what you are right now. Forget about the tone. Forget about her phrasing. Don’t get defensive. Listen to what she has to say and then decide whether you want to listen to it or ignore it. I’ve listened to people speak at conferences that I didn’t altogether agree with but I listened and taken something amazing away from it. I could have walked out but that wouldn’t have hurt anybody but myself.
    It doesn’t hurt Leila one bit if you choose not to take her advice. It can only affect you. If you are picking apart the post, the truth is you don’t agree with it and will find a reason to write it off so you don’t have to feel accountable for it. It’s your decision. You don’t have to justify it to the world by belittling the post. I agree. There are some exceptions to the rule (like Dana) but if we ignored this topic for a handful of exceptions, we wouldn’t get anywhere with this.

    Leila’s business is helping other businesses grow. If she says something I am going to ar least hear her out.

    My toes were stepped on a bit with the blog posts about slashers. I am a wedding planner/invitation designer. And I don’t plan on giving one up but I do understand the purpose of the post. It did help me recognize that I don’t want to spread myself thin and I am simplifying things for myself to achieve that.

54. I think this is a great article. It is important for people to know that when they post words ANYWHERE it is for good. Even if it is a cute tweet about flower porn, it is still a reflection on you as a person. And people don’t realize that words read differently than when they are spoken. It can really affect someone’s opinion of you in a negative way.

    I don’t like how even shoe whore or shopping whore has become a common term to the point where they’re on tshirts. There has to be a balance between being proper and having a sense of humor.

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