Yesterday we were inspired by stripes! Today we are asking you “how do you earn your stripes?” Have you ever been emailed: “I’d love to grab a coffee with you and get to know you and your business more?”. Actually what some mean to say is… Can I ask you everything about what you do and how you do it? May I ask you politely back, “Is my time to you worth just a salad and some bread sticks or a few dollars for a coffee?” If the answer is yes, then I don’t know if we are starting off on the right foot : )
We all have to start somewhere. I remember the first email returned back to me when I reached out in this business and I also remember all the emails that were never returned. What did it take though? Me, asking if they’d meet for a latte? It was much more than just that. I’m so thankful for the people along the way who said “yes” to me. They helped me to get to where I am today and therefore I am inspired to pay it forward and help others as much as I can. However as my friend Jose Villa said to me, “We’ve put in our time and have earned our stripes”.
So I ask you: “What are you doing to earn yours?” Are you Taking? or are you Giving?
For many of the wedding business start ups out there: the game has changed so much for you. I can see that via social media, you tweet or facebook a few people and show up to an industry party and you’ve made it! You can go to a workshop or a conference and you’re “in”. You can mentor under someone and voila now you’re in demand and shopping for tv show gigs and you’re a photo shoot guru. Lucky you! This is a different time then when I started and when people way before me started. While I am immensely grateful for the evolution of our industry and enjoy how much we all can learn and grow from one another, I feel that we need to also respect each other’s time and the value of what we each contribute. If you value what I have to offer you then there is a price associated with it and visa versa.
Many of my coaching clients tell me who they would love to get to know and work with more and they ask me me to help them to figure out how they can do this. I always tell them: “Its not what those people can do for you to help you out and your career. If you want to work with them- then think about What you can do for them”. If you want to collaborate and network with them, then what do you offer? What type of value do you bring to the table that would have them accept a meeting or a coffee? It certainly wont be a “can I pick your brain” session that will move them. You want to be featured on blogs? You want to work with your favorite magazines and vendors? Don’t burn bridges by continually taking from those who are kind enough to give. Maybe you should consider investing in their many years of expertise, in advertising with them, or in offering your services gratis to them. Yes, there are a lot of generous people out there, but I would advise us all to not use and abuse our wedding vendor community.
Stop asking: What can they do for you? Start Asking: What Can You Do for Them?
Image via Peonies and Polaroids
Dress by Oscar De La Renta
This post was originally published March ’09
Fantastic post, as usual. I think we are all living in a generation of “me” and we forget to think about others. Thanks for this thoughtful reminder!
you KNOW I love this. Especially since the way we first met, or your first impression of me was pretty much this blog post 🙂 hahaha!
Thank you for this post. Such a great reminder that we all started somewhere and no doubt it was thanks to someone or a group of someone’s. Share the experience and the joy of what we do!
Thanks for this post! I’m trying to get into the wedding planning business and have yet to get a ‘yes’ or even an email back. This gives me hope 🙂
Thank so much for this post! I am reminded every day, that even after 12 years in this business, I must still “earn my stripes” Every interaction is an opportunity to prove my worth. If I need to hold your water at a shoot, at least I am there learning… I think it is also important for us to remember that boost up we got in the beginning and to not be afraid to offer one occasionally to those coming up behind us! You never know when that boost may launch a career that will change our industry for the better!
love this. well put!
As an entrepreneurial wedding business, I accept my time to “earn my stripes.” And truly sit in awe and in respect to those who have been in the industry for years. I was always raised “It is better to give than to receive.” Thank you for the reminder.
I always love your tuesdays tips… it’s the highlight of my week! This one is one of the best yet…
Perfect post Leila. I receive “just starting my business” emails every day whose tone implies a “give me” attitude. I do however respond to each with bits of advice and encouragement. I certainly cannot divulge detailed info, but feel it is important to offer a mentoring “hand” when I can.
@Ashley thank you for being gracious and understanding the process. Its people like you who inspire us.
@April: who has been doing this for many years- love that you are open enough to say you are still earning your stripes. WOW. thank you for saying that. I constantly feel like in many ways i am still earning mine. We always are.
@jesihaack OH and how can i forget that email you first sent me. haha It goes down in history, but the moral of the story is- we got to know each other and i quickly learned that your intentions were genuine AND believe me… you have evolved so much since then. I see how much you have achieved in your business and its been great to watch it all happen for you. You should be proud.
Wonderful Post Leila! Jose is a one of the nicest, most down to earth people in the business!
Is still send emails to people I admire, most of them never respond. I hope I never forget that feeling, and always “earn my stripes”
by taking time to always reach out and lend a helping hand!
Thanks for the reminder!
Love this! Jose Villa has provided so much inspiration for photographers out there! What would you suggest to give back? Any tips or suggestions? I would love any ideas on that as I hate to waste anyone”s time and would like to provide value for people’s wisdom!
oh my…you should know how much i LOVE this post!! 🙂 some people may think i just popped on the scene last year with the rise of the blogging world and with the amount of press i got in 2009…but i have been in the wedding business for 10 years now (since i was 20 years old) and TRUST ME…i feel like i have paid my dues!! and at the same time, i still have a long way to go…i tend to be a “giver” and i get asked all the time if someone can “pick my brain”, if i can style someone’s shoot for free, if i can be a sponsor for an industry event and not have my costs covered…after a while it starts to burn me out…how long can i keep offering free services/advice? it’s important to value our own worth and to know that our experience is what sets us apart…we shouldn’t give it all away so easily…
Leila, it’s posts like this that truly advance the wedding industry. Thanks for sharing your insight! – Rudy
Very thoughtful post. Living in Austin, TX, I feel fortunate to be part of a network of great wedding photographers. We all chat, shoot with each other, give advice, etc. No one person seems to ask for too much, and no one person seems to be giving too much. Maybe because we have all gone thru that first year when you are really starting to figure it all out. Nonetheless it’s a great group that places extreme value in reciprocity. It’s nice going into a meeting of the minds where you know there will be no secrets, that the 10 year veteran expects to learn just as much as he expects to teach. It’s very open minded. We have no gurus because we are all helping each other out.
….and I thought it was just me… Thank you for turning on the lightbulbs!! I truly believe that most of us come from a generous place, and just walk that fine line of wanting to give, vs. being viewed as sucking up. Stripes notwithstanding, sometimes a three or four word email in return would be really nice 🙂
Oh my goodness! This is an awesome post. It encourages me to be better about making time for those inquiries. I do get lots of “coffee” offers and the intentions are never quite clear. I always appreciate when people are more upfront. But I really really love your encouragement to pay it forward. I’m particularly reminded of it’s importance when I’m offered such generous advice from my friends in the industry!
Thanks, Leila!
Leila – thanks for this post. I am one of those “Coffee” people. I am not new to the business but to my area. It is imperative that I get to know my local vendors before referring a bride to them, and what a better way to chat and get to know them in a more personal setting than coffe. When it comes to reaching out to my own (other planners) I have not been as successful. I do not want to pick their brain, but just say hello, nice to meet you. Who knows, I may need to refer a bride to THEM when I am booked or vice versa and having a relationship with them makes it that much easier. Do you have any suggestions on the best way to do this? Thanks again on a great post!
such an insightful post! i remember in the beginning sending those emails, but my mindset is more on building relationships with people. unfortunately, i think that some people forget that. now that i am 6 years in, i am more than happy to help others..because when i was starting out, someone said yes and helped me immensely. but i do think that sometimes people tend to take advantage of others willingness to share.
This is a very “come at a great moment” kind of post! Thanks for sharing.
Wow! What a timely post for me. I have been brainstorming lately on how I can make more connections and get my budding bridal jewelry business off the ground. Maybe I need to think first about what I can offer to others before I reach out for those connections.. Thanks for giving me something to think about!
@weddingPR Thanks for the inspiration! =) it should always be about how we can help others rather than how they can help us.
Ditto! RT @AlexandraPhoto Love this post, Leila! @weddingPR What are u doing to earn your stripes? Are u giving enough? http://t.co/xxmhARE
@weddingPR Love this!
RT @weddingPR: Stop asking: What can they do for you? Start asking: What can you do for them? http://su.pr/3Gd68w
Great post. RT @weddingPR: Stop asking: What can they do for you? Start asking: What can you do for them? http://su.pr/3Gd68w